Amit Goes Blogging

That, which doesn't kill you, strengthens you. I endorse these words having spent 7 long years in academic confinement. Now, when I have done my time in that condemned institution, I regret the wrong choice I made in opting for engineering.  My memory takes me to the hostel-life. The first year was a fight for a place in the boisterous crowd of hard-baked sadist. I found myself a misfit in that cradle of wild beliefs. Staying peaceful was cowardice, exploiting others was finesse. Utilising time for anything apart from gossip was not tolerated. I still made it into the second year. I chose to stay alone and went headlong in pursuing my interests. For the first time I was all to myself with none to question me. I bought a tape-recorder; bought a good many cassettes; freely read non-academic books, which I couldn't under my father's regime. Gossip was a major time-killer. I developed a taste for it. I literally forgot the purpose of staying away from my people. The result: I ...

Recently, I had been to Noida. It was a long journey by train and also a journey through ideas that are triggered at the sight of sparse vegetation, shrinking water bodies, vast tracts of lands, burgeoning slums, teeming millions passing under the bridge. I ran through a chugging train of thoughts: the evolution of man, the future of mankind, the problems in society, the solutions thereto, and, then brought it all under a grand philosophical generalization (consolation) before giving up the whole effort and dozed off. In these intellectual moorings, I put on the airs of a social scientist. Of late, the scrutiny of  morality and dynamics of society, their utility and goal have kept me occupied. Swaggering in the pride of my intellectual acumen, I came face to face with a 14 year old kid of standard 9, and, it was a very humbling experience. My visit to my girlfriend was due for over 2 years and a half. The moment I found that the hot waters I had been in all these years had coo...

Yesterday, at a get-together of old friends, some of the stalwarts from our college days were remembered. Each of these stalwarts is an epicenter of widespread unrest and can unhinge, if not ruin, the most organised system if only he sets his foot in. To take up the task of sketching the character of these social desperadoes, would be an introduction to some of the impossible sorts that make up our world. People will find it hard to believe such turbulent individuals exist in our world. Their very presence can suck the environment of its natural peace.  I am going to describe one here. I refer to this one as sexually deviant. Not that he had queer sexual preferences, but such hunger for sex is unheard of. Note that these idiosyncrasies fitted into his student life that obviously got extended in making place for such peculiarity at this station of life. In his words, man's life, at its basic, is a struggle for daily bread and weekly sex. Now, when such a well-founded idea of life is...

Heroism is not a trait but an opportunity. The opportunity seized me when we were at the foothills of Sahyadri range and were to begin our trek to Rajgad. The other hikers were in no hurry; they were more interested in photo shoot. But, my spirits were raring to seize the fort. The bottle in my hand felt like a sword and the jacket was my armour. I was a commander leading a troop and mounting on my horse-like feet, I galloped towards the fort. Soon, I lost sight of my troop. The voices were heard for a while; I quickened my pace and the voices died out. I was now alone. As I was scaling the hill, I saw an old lady standing under the shade of a tree hiding behind the trunk. “What is she doing here in the desolation?” I thought. I recently started reading Dracula and an encounter with ghosts had caught my fancy. But, it was an inappropriate place for my fascination to materialise. The oldie had drawn her saree over her head and only a part of her face was visible. The wrinkles on her fac...

You will be gone,  Gone in the mortifying indifference,  Gone without requiting my love,  Gone, leaving violent memories.  I shall return too,  Return in the shame of disdain,  Return with dry sobs,  Return, carrying a dying twilight.  There you go with inglorious pride, I sneer my affection true,  And vow it'll never ever,  Pass from me hence.  Now the anger smoulders inside,  And anguish bursts in refrain:  Do it unto another,  Do it unto another.  Donning an armour of make-believe,  With the hidden sword of insult,  And, a quiver of sweet allurements, I am ready to avenge: Stage the old sentiment,  Trap the love victim,  And, with all might and main,  Thrust the indifference, the affront,  Deep, very deep! 

In the summer of 1999, my parents had some unusual plans: we were to spend our vacations 1000 km away from home at Chitrakut where Shree Ram spent 11 years of his 14-year exile. There was an ashram in Chitrakut and the Swamiji heading the ashram was also a Yoga exponent. My mother had been suffering from arthritis. This made father very anxious and he did everything possible to alleviate her suffering. But, her resistance proved a hurdle in my father’s attempts to restore her health. He could neither pull her into the habit of morning-walk nor make her take to the treadmill by her bed. When Father bought her costly, light-weight sneakers, she poked fun at him saying that he was stepping into dotage. While mother was a mother to her kids, Father knew that his dear wife craves no less attention. He decided to take her to the ashram at Chitrakut. Again, she wouldn't relent without a fuss. She said she would neither stay at the ashram nor at a hotel. She wanted freedom for her chi...

Indian weddings are very cordial and flamboyant affair. Careful planning and money go into making them successful, which means avoiding a fiasco. The close relatives of both the parties undergo countless difficulties to ensure that the wedding is highly spoken of for years to come. Also, the larger the turn out, the greater is one’s social standing. In the olden days, when parties entering an alliance lived in the same town or village, the marriage procession proceeded from the boy’s house to the girl’s place amid a lot of fanfare. The wedding expenses are on the girl’s side and the boy’s relatives make it a point to manage a large turn out at the wedding and make things cumbersome for the girl’s side. These traditional pranks put the patience and sociability of the bride’s family to test.  I shall share an incident of one wedding party that had some great plans of putting the bride’s side to test. The girl's family lived in a city and the boy's family was from a small t...

We not only buck undesirable influences but also override the most coveted influences of personalities.  I have always been careful to avoid making promises, even to myself, lest the natural course of events be interfered with or resisted. The state of holding to a promise is very much like grappling with the vow of celibacy alongside mounting frustration. Promises made in storm are, indeed, forgotten in calm. The purpose that drove us when life seemed meaningless changes altogether when we find meaning in our lives and vice-versa. A little feeling that stirs the heart to bind itself to promises for life soon gives way to some other feeling and we feel betrayed by our previous circumstance. We mark out our lives based on what goes flitting past us. One fine day, all the spirit of the good old days sublimates into thin air. With the spirit gone; the energy gone, we wake up, as it were, from a dream, and find ourselves completely wavered from our conviction.  We move from...

A dimly-lit lounge, bartenders pouring shot after shot into my dangling glass, plush sofas, and gristly bottoms heaving over the leather and hairy hands rubbing against me is what I call loneliness. After years of anticipation and effort what I ran into was always a bunch of males, a sorrow I have cried out my heart at umpteen times but to no avail.  It was loneliness when I had the love and care of my parents who did everything possible to make me see their love, no matter, how contrary my experience was to the truth. And, now when it's my turn to express my love and care, they are unable to come to terms with it. Crashed expectations raise the dust of loneliness before my eyes once I retire home from work!  I have been lavished with great love by the near and dear ones; some of them epitomized selfless love as is only heard of these days. But they are very far now and also old. My love made many unsaid promises to them. Those promises are still with me in their unfulfilled s...

It happened too soon! I never thought my enthusiasm, like a moth, was jesting with fire. My aspirations of being a writer were throttled by macabre stories that have left my heart aching. Only a callous heart could make merry at such painful experiences and treat them as material for some sensational writing. On hearing them, I felt I was punished for venturing into life with a writer's ambition. But, life was much more cruel to her who related her agony to me, a split fraction of which has taken away the chimerical peace of my heart. I would have happily suffered hundred whips on my back and would have been still be hopeful of the good times. But, not anymore. Why God did not appear on the scene and save her from that butcher! She was pricked, tortured and dragged through the mud. All this because she loved that inhuman wretch. The wretch used her, abused her, cajoled her and again abused her. And, love made light of it all and would have happily offered itself again for the worst...