The Boredom of Personalities

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We not only buck undesirable influences but also override the most coveted influences of personalities. 

I have always been careful to avoid making promises, even to myself, lest the natural course of events be interfered with or resisted. The state of holding to a promise is very much like grappling with the vow of celibacy alongside mounting frustration. Promises made in storm are, indeed, forgotten in calm.

The purpose that drove us when life seemed meaningless changes altogether when we find meaning in our lives and vice-versa. A little feeling that stirs the heart to bind itself to promises for life soon gives way to some other feeling and we feel betrayed by our previous circumstance. We mark out our lives based on what goes flitting past us. One fine day, all the spirit of the good old days sublimates into thin air. With the spirit gone; the energy gone, we wake up, as it were, from a dream, and find ourselves completely wavered from our conviction. 

We move from one centre to another. A person enters our life and we feel an unprecedented expansion of heart. We are full of gratitude for this person and sing paeans to her for bringing such nice weather into our life. Over time, these feeling only cloy, they cause boredom and then an impending revolution... And, the centre shifts. The fuller revelations of life prevail over the half or partial revelations. Life is not a mere parade of personalities. 

A rebellion raises its head where it is dark, where the eyes of love do not see. Now, love seeks motivation to keep itself burning. It's high when the motivational levels are high and low when the motivational levels hit a low. Motives change and this love is supplanted. All the feelings and promises seem only so much clutter. People run out of our minds and vacate our hearts without our knowledge by some ordained process of natural selection. No imagined pain, no regret, and sometimes no remembrance either!

Comments

Anonymous said…
amit,your understanding of the subject is very clear. this is really very nice and master piece written by you
17 June 2008 at 12:14
Amit Durgapal said…
Thanks Anurag! I need such fuel in the form of praise to keep me going. Read on. There is a lot more you will empathise with!
18 June 2008 at 11:05
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